Labor Support Challenges
Is your husband uncomfortable in the birthing room? Finding balance between a squeamish partner and much-needed support for mom.
Nov 8, 2006
One of the most common concerns expectant mothers have with regard to support during their labor is that their spouse is squeamish. Perhaps he doesn't like the sight of blood or bodily fluids or is just plain uncomfortable with the sights and smells of a hospital. Even mothers express discomfort in medical settings. I have had more than one mother express a fear of IV's after having a bad experience. We all have fears and there is nothing wrong with admitting them!
While we can't blame the husband for his lack of comfort or expect that he needs to just "handle" seeing blood or other body fluids, the bottom line is that if the husband can't be hands-on support as the primary and only labor partner, then there must be a solution that works for everyone, so that the mother is not left alone to fend for herself during labor.
Here are ideas that can help a squeamish husband find a role within his comfort level:
- Discuss ahead of time what situations your husband/partner considers are his "safe zones" so that you can better anticipate when, where and how he will be most comfortable supporting you.
- Situate the husband's position in a "safe zone" so that he is not forced to see more than what he is comfortable seeing; i.e near the side or top of the bed or behind mom.
- Keep a chair handy if the husband feels faint or have the husband do as much support while seated.
- Husbands should keep well-hydrated and eat regularly. An empty stomach can increase dizziness and feeling faint. Protein bars, electrolyte drinks and trail mix are a few suggestions.
- Add a trusted relative or a doula to your team as additional support. If they are not a birth professional, require that they take childbirth classes with you and do additional reading so they know what their role should be.
- Husbands should take frequent breaks from the labor room. This is another advantage of having a doula present so you are never alone.
- Discuss who will handle various pain relief techniques and other duties. Your husband can take on a physically- supportive role in his "safe zone" such as wiping mom's forehead, retrieving ice, massaging her head, neck and shoulders, while leaving the tasks of assisting you in the bathroom, taking photos, massaging legs/feet or changing pads in the bed to your other labor partners.
- Use your doula or other labor partner to provide one-to-one emotional support during potentially challenging medical situations for squeamish husbands such as placing IV's, urinary catheters, epidurals and during cesarean births. Husbands may even need to excuse themselves from the room during these more challenging procedures.
- If smells are a problem, use aromatherapy oils in the birthing room to help mask unpleasant aromas. Lavendar is especially relaxing and peppermint is great for nausea if husbands are feeling squeamish.
- Keep in mind that we are all doing the best we can even in the most challenging situations. It's hard enough to admit we have fears or discomfort. None of us should ever make a husband feel bad for being squeamish or uncomfortable at the sight of blood.
I have seen husbands offer very loving and encouraging support by doing not much more than offering her sips of diluted juice, putting a cool cloth on her forehead and telling her how proud he is of her.
Even if your husband only has a comfort level to support you in a safe zone during labor, then you should make sure that you have all the additional support you need, while giving your husband permission to occupy a role he is most comfortable with.
Is your hubby uncomfortable in the birthing room? What are your plans? Talk about it here.
