The sleepless nights, the lower back pains, and the constant uncomfortable feelings are simply preparing her for labour, and whether you are a friend, relative or partner, support is the key which will assist her during the birth of her child.
It is one of the greatest compliments and honours when asked to be a birth partner, especially when after the blood, sweat and tears, you watch your own child come into the world. It’s a joyous occasion, and if you have been lucky enough to have experienced it, you will know that words cannot even begin to describe it.
The following points look at how to be an effective birth partner, during a time when you may well feel everything other than calm. Although you may feel that you are not really helping, being there and supporting her through it, may mean more than you realise.
Relax
This is easier said than done, especially when you’re the birth companion to your partner and child. The thing to remember here however, is that if you panic and stress-out, this will in turn reflect upon your partner. She will more than likely already be panicking (especially if this is to be her first child), as she will not know what to expect, what is normal, what isn’t. The countless hours of reading, although informative, will not prepare her for the actual feelings during labour (emotional as well as physical).
Be prepared
Be prepared for what to expect. The last thing you want is to faint and leave the mother to go through it on her own. Watch birth videos, DVD’s, and most importantly communicate. This does not just mean to your partner/ the mother to be, but speak about what to expect with other mothers and birth partners. Their insight will be very valuable, and will best prepare you for what’s to come.
It’s not personal
You’re probably going to be shouted at, and will get called all the names under the sun (especially if you’re the person that “did this” to her). The fact that a combination of her raging hormones, anticipation pre- and post birth, and the fact that she is in extreme pain, does in fact give her the right to scream and shout at you. Don’t be surprised if it even gets a little physical!
Although this may seem like your worst nightmare, just remember what she’s going through, and the fact that you never will have to go through it (if you’re a man of course). Try not to take it personally, and try not to retaliate, just continue to support her. After all, once it’s all over and you have a beautiful little human being in your grasp, you will have forgotten all about it, and it will have all been worth it.
Reassurance
There may come a point when mum feels like she wants to give up, and the words “I can’t do it” may leave you not knowing what to do or say. The key here is to reassure her that she can do it. Remind her how far she has come, and that very soon she will be face to face with her beautiful baby for the very first time. Remind her how long she has been carrying him/her, and the fact that very soon, her body will be her own again, with the pain becoming a distant memory.
The anticipation and expectations that accompany labour and child birth, for all relevant parties, can be intense. All involved will be experiencing similar, as well as varying concerns. The key is, however, to enjoy it. By all means this does not suggest that child birth is easy, but when you weigh it up against the fact that you are assisting with bringing a brand new life into the world, it will definitely put everything into perspective.
The constant lower back ache, the sleepless nights, the constant worry of hoping everything will be alright, and of course labour itself, will be nothing but a thing of the past, a distant memory even. Now you get to enjoy and share the days, weeks, months and years of that child’s life, sharing it with mum.
